


Cool Hawke has Chill Day Part 6: JoJolion

by Mème Brûlée (trixsters)



Series: Cool Hawke has Chill Day [6]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Angst, Incest, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 19:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8908459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trixsters/pseuds/M%C3%A8me%20Br%C3%BBl%C3%A9e
Summary: All seems well in the Hawke household but not for long...





	

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Sorry! I was kind of tired when I wrote this so it has a lot of spelling errors. I hope you still enjoy it!! o>o

Once upon a time it was another Chill day in Korkwall. The hAwks e family was hacving a good and nice time, laughing and clinking their wine glasses together with glee. It was finally gdone. he was finally gone, Anders, the mage that had plagued their lives for so long, was finally dead thankts to the brute strength that was Asshat Hawke’s massive biceps. Seriously how does he get tehms o huge. Hes a mage he must spend like 40 hours a week at the gym. He doesn’t even have a job, lifting weights is his job.

Anyway Dunkass was chugging 120 proof vodka while Asshat hschered her on when suddenly! The re was an earthquake! Everyoen ran out side, terrified, because they don’t know how to handle earthquakes they aren’t from California asshole. But it wasn’t an earthwquake! It was……the Fade!

Outside Anders kneeled clutching his head in his hands for dramatic effect. But like it was attached to his body he wasn’t like holding it. A single tear rolled down his cheek, glistening with the angst and torment of what was yet to come. “it’s too late,” he said. “It’s already happened. We were too late to stop it.” With this he looked silently up at the sky , looking towards the huge green breach in the sky just pouring demons out left and right. Andes just laid down and cried like the bitch he really is

Everyoen was shook!ed!! “Oh no….what are we going to do” Cool Hawke wjhispered under her breath. She was already resigned to her fate, their was truly nothing they could do now. There was a rip in the fade, right here in Kirkwall where it had always been the thinnest. Anders keenly heard the smooth angelic voice of his former lover and brought himself to give her a response, if only to help for a moment. “Its because of Dunkass…….she doenst belong here. We have to destroy here” he said limpidly.

“I already killed you twice I will do it again” said Asshat running out of the house at maximum full speed coming straight for anders. “I will NOT LET YOU HURT MY SWEET GINGERBREAD WIFE AGAIN!!!!”

“So be it” Anders said darkly, closing his eyes and turning away. Andser’s eyes suddenly began to glow blue and he was raised int o the stky ominously as he raised his staff threateningly towards the Hawke estate. He was going to get rid of Dunkass whether they liked it or not, for the good of Thedas. He raised his staff and began to channel a spell, amimng it at her, when suddenly Asshatleaped in front of the bolt and cast a huge shielf over himself and Dunkass.

“WHAT??!?” Anders/Justice screamed in anger.

“You will not hurt her!!!!!!!” say Asshat. “And now….” he turned towards Dunkass, his sister, his alternate universe self, and his girlfriend, or wife, or something, and leaned in to press his forehead against hers as he closed his eyes somlmemny. “It is time, my sweet” he said

Then he yet again raised his staff and di that freaky blood magic shit (Fenris sensed this from 20 miles away with his disgusting blood mage senses and keenly glared in Asshat;s general direction) and all of a sudden! There was a flash of light and then……………he was gone, and so was Dunkass.

“Um…………” said Anders/Justiece. What the fuck? What? What? And then he noticed. In Dunkass and Asshat’s place stood a new person, a woman about 9 feet tall who was really ripped, like fucking shredded, with smooth slick raven black hair and one crystal clear blue eye and one amber eye like freshly harvested raw unfiltered natural honey. Everyone was thoroughly confused.

“Dunkass why are you so big” shouted Money Hawke from down below. He was only 4 feet tall you cannot blame him.

The woman leaned down and cooed gently “my sweet brother I am no longer Dunkass, for I have fused with Asshat, and we are one and the same for eternity.” She pointedly glared at Anders who was still floating in the sky.

“From now on…I am Ass-Ass Hawke.”


End file.
